by Nicknames

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Free Shmurda


released March 11, 2015

Released on tape by Sorry Girls Records
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Recorded by Scotty Leitch @ SUPER BON BON



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Nicknames Cape May, New Jersey

Since Winter 11'

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Track Name: Star Crossed Fingers
“at least we gave them the chase of a lifetime”
she tried to say through the glass in her windpipe
but his lifeline had been severed
ending their endeavor
to diffuse the ruse, together
that no one can run forever
“I can’t say why my foot forgot to brake
and I’m sorry but to leave me in this state
it’s you who should be giving the apology
as I cannot survive a day here without your company”
did you forget to repent
somewhere between the accident and everything we did?
As for heaven,
I guess it’s out of the question
and so without intervention
of divinity
infinity is calling”

“o happy shards of glass
take me to nothingness
heart on my ragged sleeve
this is thy makeshift sheathe
come, bitter conduct, come
unsavory chaperon
led my life on the run
it caught up so take me home”

fingers star crossed
to no avail
but you knew the tale
Track Name: Hopesick
Passion is pestilence, came up and down with it
rationed my medicine found myself
Addicted to dreaming, with waking up seeming
a little less necessary every week
a weakness so comforting
a penchant for pretending that
I could see a shore on the horizon
but the lighthouse became a liquor store
and so I dove right overboard
into on
ocean of emotionless
treading ignorance
in a fifth of bliss
still it is chased with
a case of reminiscence
headache take my antidote
of opiates and ibuprofen
sick with and of hoping

it’s a cold and salty
breeze, but these
old and haunting
memories coincide with my
weak attempts to stem the tide
so I’ll resign to averted eyes
leave her to sequestered suicide
Track Name: Silence
Distance myself from your eggshell life
before my eyes stand witness to the cracks that tap it open
if you could only live third person

Maybe then we'd still be something
more than sound waves synchronizing
we still harmonize, no longer with our lives
in notes and words and firsts and thirds and major 7th chords

A measure in your presence
our discord lacks resemblance
of the melody we used to be
a song i thought that we'd keep playing and playing
and I stopped praying years ago

We've lost color despite this summer's heat
constantly bearing down the pressure's now crushing me
highways buckle, and my days shuffle on and on
you've been gone for weeks as I fracture with the streets.
Track Name: Green Thumb
sinking so deep
she pretends to plant a garden,
can’t remember where she left the seeds
digging her grave,
she germinates, I call her name
the response replaced with a rustling of leaves
a shuffling of feet
a muffled eulogy
and I’m on the path to mourning
in whispers I kiss her cheek
but she keeps losing petals
her green thumb paling despite my sunbeams

I guess I’m better off without
the doubt,
the hope,
a glass half empty or half full
distorts sunlight that passes through
so I could pour it on her grave
And hope
a sprout
decides to wake
yet here I find it at my mouth
without a doubt

without a conscience
too proud to process
now that I’ve lost this, my only shred of purpose- her
photosynthesis kept me shining at my lowest-
what’s the point in rising?
let night take the full time shift
I tilt the cup back
as she wilts in darkness
I kill the light switch and
knock ‘em back until I can’t remember
why I’d even set
sights on her flower bed
how I’d rise in the morning
with such deft persistence
it gets boring
without her emergence in spring
there’s no use in me existing
Track Name: Shellfish
Social bivalve
sew shut that shell
sutures suit your aesthetic
so pro tem and so
pathetically blue
oh, tragic you

so she’ll sow seeds
rip out your weeds
suit yourself,
shoot yourself to see it bleed
“innate hate recreate me/ imprisoned by my envy”
“i think too hard and lack the spark to burn her memory”
the cassius clay of poetry, you move so gracefully
but, butterfly, when it collides, your sting, it goes both ways

moored on an un-shoreline
in the wet sands of time
she said her farewell
so shed said shell
floating on an ocean
waiting like a wave, to break
hoping this emotion
somehow fades away
Track Name: Growing Gills
“Hold your breath, we’re going under!”
He said like a threat to the back of her head
“I’ll just let the water take over,
with my lungs at 90 %, what’s another ten?”
Oh, she could defend
the sun revolving
around us with that lush reasoning,
dramatic? It’s tragic.
‘I’ve had it!’ he meant.
“I… get it.” he regretfully choked out instead.
His grip stopped tightening
at her liquid laments
she slipped out of his hand
to drift with the current

Currently she floats about, around his
only memories of home and how it felt
to wake up with a well inside a recently dry shell
then turn his head to catch her smiling
half asleep in dreams of flying
with her wings of wax on
-a vision of rising action-
“But you flew too high!”
once a shout- now a sigh
he calls out to the sky,
fishing for some kind of closure
wishing for composure
“Wash up with the tide!”
he demands of a lifeless person
at the end of searching…

…for a ghost to fill the void
just one note inside
a symphony of tones
“in my defense
she was the loudest!
The reddest rose without a thorn!
Without her clothes, a perfect form!”
he rambles- on and on,
still going strong- and I can’t stand to
play along as understanding.
She’s been gone, and he’s still drowning
in sad songs
without resolutions
to prolong
the sting of accepting dissolution.
This kid’s obsessed with restitution...
Like fate owes him a favor…
As if he signed a waiver…
Don’t ever fall in love if you can’t handle losing someone!
It’s inevitable,
as nothing stays full.
Track Name: Jackie Sharp
careless, I
wear this smile
barely try
in denial
of the deep
sorry state
of being
ially fence
sitting duck
shallow fuck
worthless kiss
hit or miss
tuck me in I’ve been a sinful little

devil bearing a counterfeit grin fit for a masochist
a pacifist’s intrinsic enemy misleading the flock of sheep
off the deep end, dressed in clothing
stressing everything is golden
though it’s tarnished metal
have I harnessed my potential?

so take off your shoes
forsake your values
remove what remains
stain your soul with my ego
I suppose it’s apropos
to throw the mask off with my clothes
come get acquainted with the truth
this ruthlessness is absolute

isn’t there something more pressing
than a big empty confession
put my hands together to the sound of you undressing
praying as I prey upon, to one day learn my lesson
Track Name: Whtnvr
wide eyed, I died in heaven
to wake up on your mattress
wrapped up in
some foreign
emotion like
the ocean right
at sunset’s
in time
and it’s the backdrop to my life

lifted neurosis,
I can try
to eulogize you
but to remember the sleepless nights
alone in December?
cold as the weather?
sold down the river?
I’d rather shut my eyes

than watch you fade
let you die and say goodbye and turn the page
read into new things
seeds started growing
in a garden I’d forgotten existed

flower, now-or-nevers never meant that much to me
but here without you now it seems
that I might never get to sleep